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Heavy Petting Do Burlesque Again

We’re serving up four portions of bawdy nonsense at ARC in Stockton on Saturday 14th July, alongside the region’s finest purveyors of burlesque and the art of striptease. I’d say something about tits...

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Bang On Trend

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HEAVY PETTING

We are good at sketches. Want us to prove it? Come and see us sketch at these times and places: 8th August Red Raw, The Stand, Newcastle 8.30 Another ten minute spot at the North’s best new comedy...

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Rough Cuts Podcast

Series two of the Comedy Unit’s Rough Cuts podcast started… uh… at some point in the past, and I am squatting in the middle of the first episode doing my two voices (posh and slightly less posh but...

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Shock Exit For Sidney

Shock Exit For Sidney is a feature-length comedy screenplay I’ve been working on as part of NFM and Screen Yorkshire’s Triangle scheme. Through Triangle I’ve hooked up with producer Sarah Brocklehurst...

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Joe Cornish in Conversation

Joe Cornish, in conversation. Not with me, but I listened in anyway, while pretending to study my phone or something. He talks about writing Attack the Block, Tin Tin and Ant Man.

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The Show What You Wrote

Announcing new series for non commissioned writers: The Show What You Wrote will be on @bbcradio4 in June. details soon ..get thinkin — jane berthoud (@JBerthoud) January 31, 2013

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Maniac Flap

A short film, based on a true story (I used to have cats).

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No Sex

Ha hey! Me and mi Heavy Petting campadres made this for Hat Trick/Bad Teeth’s Short and Funnies prize, and we’ve been short-listed. This is in no way based on a true story, by the way, and don’t even...

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Be Mine Forever

Written by me (and what a lengthy script it was) and directed by Laura Degnan, this is one of a series of “Little Shockers” – bite-sized horror films with a tickle at the end. Like Tales of the...

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Nah

Nah, a ridiculous short film I wrote, is shooting in Saltburn this weekend. It’s got a talking deer in it, and these shoes. Aren’t these shoes great? The film is directed by Laura Degnan. It should be...

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Werner Herzog and Hobbes

Next week: Werner Herzog and the Peanuts Gang. “I believe the common denominator of the universe is not harmony, but chaos, hostility, and murder. Good grief.”

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Short Story – Why I’m Still Sat Down

I was sitting on the sofa. It was a reclining future-sofa with a built-in kettle, toaster and toilet. It was a future-sofa because this was the future. The fact I hadn’t stood up for three weeks was...

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If You Want Me

If you’re in town this afternoon, I’ll be in Waterstones signing copies of other peoples’ books until they throw me out.

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Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-What the Fuck?

I don’t know what any of this means but I think it’s important. Must… decode… the message…

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When Pressed

“…when pressed, Michael Gove released a thick, meaty juice that was funneled into a large vat containing the liquids squeezed from his cabinet colleagues. The pressing of politicians continues tomorrow.”

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Movie Review: ’71

’71 is a bit like The Purge only it’s set in a real year that happened, 1971, unlike The Purge which is set in a fake year, 2022, which as far as I know has never happened. ’71 is also set in a real...

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Zimbio Quizzes

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Too Many Cooks

Remember this sitcom from the eighties? Too Many Cooks aired in the 3am informercials spot on Adult Swim and is a relentlessly trippy example of running a joke into the ground, picking it up, dusting...

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10 Fun Christmas Facts!

1. If anyone can hear you singing “Silent Night” you’re singing it wrong. The audible version is called “Audible Night”, for reasons lost in the mists of time! 2. In North Korea they celebrate...

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